Forget tea leaves: i read patterns left behind in my cat’s food bowl

I’m interested in all things intuitive. I’ve had quite a few psychic readings, and even have my own set of kitty-cat tarot cards. I’ve always been fascinated with the reading of tea leaves. When I finish a cup of tea, I don’t ever pay attention to the bottom of the cup. In fact, I usually wind up with a giant stain because I don’t wash it soon enough. I don’t know much about reading stains. Stain-reading … ew.

A friend of mine recently posted a photo of her cat’s food dish. The kitty had eaten her kibble in such a way that the pattern looked like a skull. Fantastic! I started wondering what a fortune teller might say about that pattern. Then I thought about the kinds of patterns I would find in my cat’s dish, and what they may predict for my pussycats.

Here are five such patterns.

1. The box

A square-shaped pattern would most likely indicate a new box on the horizon. It is considered one of the most auspicious patterns a cat could find in her dish. After receiving this reading, kitty would impatiently stand by the front door, anxiously awaiting the UPS truck … or Mom to return from a BOGO shoe sale.

2. Vomit or Dingleberry

See the arrow pointing at the pile of food? Traditionally, this means the cat will soon hurl a pile of puke. This could also indicate a lone dingleberry will become attached to butt-fur. Either way, the cat should probably remain on the carpet, which is widely known as the best place to vomit or drag your dingleberried bottom.

3. Stray poo

This pattern foretells a piece of kitty poo landing just outside the litter box. This could be an embarrassing event, so the cat should heed the warning and practice caution while using the facilities.

4. Tears

If you closely at this arrangement, you’ll see a face with a frown, and tears falling down the cheeks. This generally predicts a series of serious disappointments. For example, a cat may find his evening begins with a late dinner, continues with the forced wearing of a sweater vest, and then crashes to a complete halt with losing a favorite toy under the sofa. No cat wants to see this pattern.

5. Empty

Clearly this plate is completely empty. A cat who views this pattern on a plate would immediately panic, thinking she would perish from hunger at any moment. I believe the actual interpretation has something to do with being a well-rounded feline, or the circle of life or something- however, a cat would only look at the plate and see, “EMPTY! FEED ME!”

What types of patterns might your cat see in his or her food dish? How would you interpret them? Tell us in the comments!

Laugh with us:

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Read more by Angie Bailey:

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• Texts from Mittens: The “Antiques Roadshow” Edition
• And Now, 5 Photos of My Cats Caught in the Act
• What Happens When My Cats Tell Me What to Wear
• 5 Ways My Cats Completely Own Me
• My Cats Are Addicts: 5 Reasons They Would Land in Rehab
• Do You Ever Wish You’d Given Your Cat a Different Name?
• What if Cats Held Office Jobs? Worst. Cubicle Mates. EVER!
• 3 Ways You and Your Kids Can Help Big Cats

About the Author: Angie Bailey is an eternal optimist with an adoration of all things silly. Loves pre-adolescent boy humor, puns, making up parody songs, thinking about cats doing people things and The Smiths. Writes Catladyland, a cat humor blog, Texts from Mittens (birthed right here on Catster) and authored whiskerslist: the kitty classifieds, a silly book about cats wheeling and dealing online. Partner in a production company and writes and acts in comedy web series that features sketches and mockumentaries. Mother to two humans and three cats, all of which want her to make them food.